I'm Giving Up On You
by abercrombiesalami
Summary: Haruka and Makoto prepare to say good-bye. But last minute feelings and memories kind of get in their way.


"Do you need a ride, Haru?" Makoto timidly asked as he saw Haruka zip up the overflowing duffel bag.

Haruka lifted his sea blue eyes to look at Makoto's face. The normally happy face, usually plastered with a smile, was now sporting a pleading look, which made the green eyes Haruka loved so much, crinkle at the corners and turn a deep hunter green.

Haruka sighed, blowing his raven hair off his forehead. All in vain, when the thick lock of hair came and settled back between his furrowed eyebrows.

'Say no. It'll be less painful. Say no, say no, say-'"Yes, if you don't mind," said Haruka, contradicting the commands from his brain.

Makoto nodded his head once and moved to grab his car keys, which were coincidentally lying on the dresser Haruka was currently leaning on. As their forearms brushed electricity shot through Makoto and Haruka, leaving them feeling as if someone had stuck an electric rod up their butts and turned the voltage on high.

Makoto turned to look at Haruka, but to his dismay, the usually expressionless face was just that: expressionless. The taller young man bowed his head and said, again timidly, "I'll go warm up the car and let you finish packing."

Haruka's cerulean blue eyes followed Makoto's tall frame as it exited the bedroom. He raised his hand and slapped it on his forehead, 'God why was this so difficult?! Mako broke up me. End of story. It's becoming endlessly confusing when he's so uncharacteristically bipolar.' Huffing out a tremendous sigh, Haruka looked around the room, checking for his personal belongings that he might have forgotten to pack.

As his eyes roamed around the room, they kept landing, almost magnetically, on the array of pictures on their- no MAKOTO'S book shelf. All the books and knick-knacks of Haruka had been removed. The room looked as if Haru had never lived here; save for the exodus amounts of pictures covering the top and first shelf of the book shelf.

He remembered, five days ago, about four hours after their "mutual split", Makoto called Nagisa's apartment. At first, the raven-haired teen refused to talk to his ex-boyfriend, but when he heard the loud sobbing coming for the line, he couldn't resist grabbing the telephone out of the blonde boy's hands and listening to Makoto's voice.

At first, Haruka wasn't sure that it was Makoto on the line, since the teen was not only violently sobbing, but also roaring drunk, which was very unusual for the man, and made it difficult for Haru to understand what Mako was saying.

Though he couldn't help the two tears that slipped from his eyes when he very clearly heard Makoto say, "If... want your stuff back, Haru... come get it... Makoto keeps the pictures."

Seeing his absolute distress, Nagisa had pried the phone from Haruka's hand and hung up. The smaller boy embraced the teen and tried to comfort him, but he also gave a look to Rei over Haru's shoulders that sent a clear message, 'Go check on Mako-chan.'

After five fitful days of jet-jag-like sleeping patterns and going through life's motions zombie-like, Makoto was found inside his Toyota convertible, tapping an aimless tune on the steering wheel, that horribly clashes with the beat of the song pouring from the radio.

Events that were collected in his relationship with Haruka played like a bad slides how inside Makoto's head. He tried to change the arrangement, but in the end, it lead to the same memory, Haruka's tragedy-stricken face in response to when Makoto said that the two of them would be better off not together.

Interrupting his thoughts was the sound of Haruka climbing into the passenger seat of the car, throwing his bag in back seat. Makoto inwardly smiled, no matter how many times he told Haru not to do it, Haru would always throw his belongings violently onto the the leather backseats.

With his hand on the shift, Makoto turned his head to look at Haruka's, asking, "Ready, Haru?" At the shorter boy's slight nod, the treaded wheels of the car peeled off the curb.

Haru leaned over and changed the station, from Makoto's usual K-Pop to his favorite, latest western hits. Resting his head back, Haruka closed his eyes and listened to the soft lyrics and the accompanying acoustics, unaware of Makoto watching him out of the corner of his eyes.

•Say something I'm giving up on you•

Haruka's eyes snapped open and looked abruptly at Makoto, trying to gauge the younger teen's reaction. Nothing changed, except the almost unnoticeable tightening of his strong, smooth jaw.

•I'll be the one if you want me to  
Anywhere I would have followed you•

Haruka closed his eyes in sweet pain; god how he wishes those words were true. If only Makoto had agreed to come with him. But Haru didn't even give him the option, not wanting to force an impossible choice on the man he loved.

•Say something I'm giving up in you•

The car lurched as Makoto made a particularly sharp left. The realization that in a couple of days, Haruka wouldn't be able to experience Makoto's hideous driving anymore, was crippling.

•And I am feeling so small  
It was over my head  
I know nothing at all•

Makoto carefully pulled up to to the red stoplight. His jade eyes automatically closed in bitterness at how true and sad the lyrics were.

•And I will stumble and fall  
I'm still learning to love  
Just starting to crawl•

When Makoto gently moved when the light turned green, Haru leaned his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose, valiantly trying to stem the tears that threatened to overflow.

Waters below, his entire love life had just been summed up into one song, and frankly, Haru was pissed about that. He didn't particularly appreciate being told again how when he feared the eventual break up after consummating a relationship, his fears rang true.

When the chorus of the song on the radio came on again, Makoto's mild tenor covered the words, "So when did you say that your flight was, Haru?"

Haruka kept his head down staring intently at his clasped hands. Finally he left out a sigh and said, "Thursday morning, 11:15."

Makoto's reply was more of an exhale, "Oh." Silence filled the car once again and allowed the music to fill in the gap.

•And I will swallow my pride  
You're the one that I love  
And I'm saying good-bye•

'NO!' his brain protested, 'I DON'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY MAKOTO! I love him...' The last phrase uttered by Haruka's mind voice sounded defeated, and alone.

As soon as the blue car pulled up to the residential apartment area that Nagisa lived in, Haruka jumped out of the car, after reaching back to grab his bag.

He didn't remember how fast Makoto could move, his steps unusually stealthy for such a big frame. Before he knew it, he was pressed tightly against the door of the passenger seat, his mouth fused with a taller, brown haired young man.

The two of them kissed passionately trying to force all of their unsaid feeling into that single embrace. Soon Haruka's arms were around Makoto's neck and Makoto had trapped Haruka in the loose prison between his sinewy arms. The two of them kissed for a long time, hearing the last strain and chorus of the song and the soft jazz of the next one.

Suddenly, Haruka yanked himself away from Makoto, breaking off the kiss. He bent and grabbed the duffel bag he'd dropped to the ground during this kiss. Wiping the mixture of both of their bittersweet tears from his cheeks, Haruka gently pushed at Makoto's chest, silently asking, pleading Mako to move away.

As soon as the man moved, Haru stepped completely away from the car and Makoto. After staring at the forest green eyes one last time, Haruka turned and walked towards the entrance of Nagisa's building, not once looking back at Mako.


End file.
